HealthyBoundaries: The Key to Self-Respect & Better Relationships

Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships - not just with others, but also with yourself. They allow you to say no without guilt, prioritise your well-being, and protect your time, energy, and emotional health.

But setting boundaries isn’t always easy, especially when dealing with people who struggle to respect them.

In this post, we’ll explore:

•What healthy boundaries are

•Common challenges with enforcing them

•Why setting boundaries with difficult people can be so frustrating

•The importance of focusing on behaviour rather than labelling people as “toxic”

Let's dive in...

🎯 What Are Healthy Boundaries?

Setting healthy boundaries means recognising and honouring your own needs, values, and limits, without feeling responsible for managing other people’s emotions or expectations.

A boundary isn’t about controlling other people; it’s about taking control of your own choices.

Think of it like a simple formula:

➡ If someone does X, then I will do Y.

For example:

•If my coworker yells at me, I will leave the conversation.

•If my friend repeatedly cancels plans last-minute, I will stop making plans with them.

•If my boss emails me after hours, I will not respond until the next workday.

Boundaries are less about demanding that people change and more about deciding how you will respond when they don’t.

👀 Examples of Boundary Setting

•Saying no to a social event because you need time to recharge—even if it disappoints someone.

•Turning down a last-minute work request because you’ve already made plans with your kids.

•Telling a family member that today is not a good day for them to drop by.

•Not checking emails or social media before bed to protect your rest.

•Saying no to hosting Christmas dinner because you want to avoid holiday burnout.

At their core, boundaries are about making decisions that prioritize your well-being.

😬 Problems Associated with Poor Boundaries

Not setting or enforcing boundaries can lead to:

•Relationship problems – Over time, resentment builds when you consistently ignore your own needs for the sake of others.

•Chronic anxiety and stress – Saying yes to everything and everyone leads to overwhelm.

•Burnout – If you never say no, you risk exhaustion - physically, mentally, and emotionally.

•Low self-esteem – Consistently failing to stand up for yourself makes it hard to feel good about yourself.

•People-pleasing and codependency – When you fear disappointing others, you start to believe it’s your job to keep everyone happy.

💡 Key Insights About Healthy Boundaries

1️⃣ Boundaries are about your behaviour, not other people’s.

•You can’t control whether someone respects your boundary, but you can control your response.

•Boundaries are not about punishing people or "being mean" - they’re about protecting yourself and your energy.

2️⃣ Setting boundaries is easy. Enforcing them is hard.

•It’s one thing to say, “I won’t tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully.”

•It’s another to follow through when someone does it - especially when emotions, guilt, or pressure are involved.

3️⃣ Some people will never respect your boundaries.

•Not everyone is emotionally capable of healthy relationships.

•If someone consistently ignores your boundaries, you have to decide whether to accept it or remove yourself from the situation.

4️⃣ Boundaries take time and repetition.

•You may need to enforce your boundary multiple times before the other person adjusts their behaviour.

•Change doesn’t happen overnight - be patient and consistent with yourself and with others.

5️⃣ Sometimes the only boundary that works is the big one.

•In extreme cases, the healthiest choice is to walk away - whether from a job, friendship, or relationship.

🤔 Can You Set Boundaries with “Toxic” People?

Over the years I've heard people ask "Is it possible to set relationships with toxic people?"

First, let’s talk about the term “toxic people.”

This isn't a phrase that I particularly like.

Here’s why:

•It’s vague. “Toxic” can mean anything from manipulative to emotionally immature to simply annoying.

•It defines the entire person, rather than their behaviour. A person might act in a toxic way, but that doesn’t mean they are completely toxic.

•Labelling someone as toxic can make it harder to set boundaries effectively because it creates an emotional barrier to seeing things clearly.

Instead of asking, “Can I set boundaries with toxic people?” a more helpful question is:

👉 “Can I set boundaries with someone whose behaviour is repeatedly

harmful to me?”

🛠️ How to Set Boundaries with Difficult People

1️⃣ Identify specific behaviours—not just “toxicity.”

Instead of saying:

•“My mother-in-law is toxic.”

Try:

•“My mother-in-law criticises my parenting, and I don’t want to engage in those conversations.”

(BTW - I would like to point out that both my MILs are really lovely and supportive, and this is being used as an example simply because it's an easy and clear example to use. And let's face it - not everyone is lucky enough to have lovely a lovely mother-in-law)

The clearer you are about the behaviours that trigger your boundaries, the easier it is to enforce them.

2️⃣ Never set a boundary you’re not willing to enforce.

If you tell someone:

•“If you raise your voice at me, I will leave the conversation.”

Then, the next time they yell, you must actually leave. Otherwise, they’ll learn that your boundary is meaningless.

3️⃣ Expect resistance—stay firm.

Difficult people often test boundaries. If they see you wavering, they’ll push harder.

Stick to your decision, even when it’s uncomfortable or when the other person "amps up" their behaviour.

4️⃣ Accept that some people will never change.

If someone repeatedly ignores your boundaries, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Sometimes, the best boundary is limiting or cutting contact.

How Root Cause Therapy Helps You Set Boundaries

Inability to set boundaries most often comes from subconscious beliefs that:

✨ we need to do things for others in order to be worthy of love,

✨ we fear judgement, or

✨ we fear conflict

Root Cause Therapy is designed to help you identify the moments when your subconscious formed these beliefs, allowing you to process and release them.

This, in turn, helps you to feel more able to set those boundaries for yourself and others without feeling guilty or worrying that someone will judge you.

Rewrite Your Story—Starting Today

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your own thoughts, wondering, “Why do I keep repeating the same patterns?” - this is your chance to break free.

The past doesn’t have to define you. The beliefs you’ve carried don’t have to hold you back.

You have the power to turn the page and create a new chapter—one where you are in control.

Are you ready to reclaim your story?

Are you ready to rewrite your story and take back control of your life?

Download our free ebook to learn more about Root Cause Therapy and how you can start moving forwards today.

Your next chapter is waiting.